Do you know what my mother really wants for Mother’s Day? An hour alone with Chuck Norris. He’s her #1 sexy crush. It sort of horrifies me when she talks about it, especially in public or with people we don’t know. My brother and I have often felt a little sick to our stomachs when she talks about her erotic visions of Walker, Texas Ranger. But still, everyone has their type, so this Mother’s Day I think I should just give her exactly what she wants: a hot flame personalized with her heartthrob’s quote. And I’m gonna throw in Clint and Kevin too. Sounds like a fun night. x Richard